the homecoming

Then all the people went over the Jordan, and the king went over. And the king kissed Barzillai and blessed him, and he returned to his own home. The king went on to Gilgal, and Chimham went on with him. All the people of Judah, and also half the people of Israel, brought the king on his way.
2 Samuel 19:39-40

David is on his way back to Jerusalem to have the kingdom restored to him. It has been a difficult moment. He has had to set aside his overwhelming grief over his son's death to get back to the business of the kingdom. He does not get the luxury of wallowing in his grief. Joab confronts him and calls him to walk once again among the people who are hurting from the civil war just like he was hurting at the death of Absalom.

David is filled with a thankful and gracious spirit. David expresses gratitude to the aged octogenerian Barzallai. The old man had taken David in and used his wealth and resources to take on the needs of David and his family as they fled to safety from Absalom's forces as they took Jerusalem. David offers the man who took him in a position at the palace. But Barzillai politely refuses. David expresses his gratitude and still repays Barzillai by taking Chinham at his suggestion.

David finds ways to show mercy and grace as well. He continues to be gracious to Mephibosheth, who explains to David that Ziba stole from him and lied to the king about his loyalty. David accepts the disabled son of Jonathan back into the royal household. Bigger grace is shown when Shimei greets David again, this time repentant over his actions at cursing David. The king is merciful, refusing to continue any punitive bloodshed against Shimei. Instead, David accepts the apology and actions, forgives Shimei in mercy, and refuses to allow violence to continue to tear Israel apart.

So this homecoming for David was a mixed bag of emotions. But he kept his head, having clearly been taught by God through these events. What comes out in David is the kind of character that only God can give a man. And that is instructive for all Christians who may find themselves in unthinkably difficult circumstances.


- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

unreconciliable grief

And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!"
2 Samuel 18:33

This is poignant, raw grief... and yet, so much more. David is inconsolable at the moment. I believe the depth of emotion stems not just from the death fo Absalom. I think a huge amount of regret is in this sorrow over David's LIFE with Absalom. David is mourning all the lost opportunity with his son. He never really reconciled with him, and that is very, very painful.

There is a grief that comes with a lost reconciliation. It is multiplied in David due to the factors involved. David did not reconcile with his son. He chose to ignore him. The closeness of the relationship demanded he act on the opportunity to restore. David did not do so. He put it off to the point that his inaction eventually involved the entire nation of Israel in a civil war. It was a big mess. Perhaps David secretyly hoped that Absalom would surrender in the battle or be captured alive so that a reconciliation might be possible under David's exclusive terms. But that was a fantasy... a deadly delusion.

David had to know that the troops would be making Absalom the first objective. If given him as a target of opportunity, they would take it. He warned the generals to spare Absalom. But this was war, and in the mix of God's providence (Absalom's hair snares him in a tree) and war's uncontrolled passion (Joab and his troops target Absalom), the king's wish is not followed.

All this speaks to the tragedy of missed restoration. In David's case a paralysis of leadership mixed with personal pride and political protocols to short-circuit the process. And it led to literal warfare before it all ended... badly. The warning to us is that failure to extend grace, mercy, and to act on a commitment to the hard work of reconciliation can lead to awful personal devastation. Absalom was not the only Israelite to die in the guerilla warfare in the forest of Ephraim on that day. Unresolved conflicts claim many casualties in the collateral damage of the battle.



- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

a friend in need

After they had gone, the men came up out of the well, and went and told King David. They said to David, "Arise, and go quickly over the water, for thus and so has Ahithophel counseled against you."
2 Samuel 17:21

in times of trouble
friends that come
to minister
and help with love
can be worth double

when trials rage
and your heart is broken
by circumstance
friends are a God sent token
graciously turning the page

friends who care
for your deepest pain
and commiserate
are like refreshing rain
watering desert, bringing cool air

and God sends love
at the friend's hands
to illustrate
His sovereign plan
a little help from above


- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

adding insult to injury

So David and his men went on the road, while Shimei went along on the hillside opposite him and cursed as he went and threw stones at him and flung dust. And the king, and all the people who were with him, arrived weary at the Jordan. And there he refreshed himself.
2 Samuel 16:13-14

David is now so humbled by the events surrounding him that he just keeps taking further humiliation without resistance. There are three major humiliations added to his exile in this chapter. The first one is when David is told that Mephibosheth has stayed behind in Jerusalem in that hopes that Israel will anoint him as king as the last survivor of the house of Saul. All the years of faithful care of Jonathan's crippled son have been for nothing. This is a high insult. Sometimes the people to whom we extend the most grace become the least respectful of it.

The final humiliation in this chapter comes when David's own counselor, Ahithophel, advises David's son, Absalom, to publically shame his father. Absalom pitches a tent on the palace roof and there publically beds the king's harem that David left behind to care for the palace. This was the symbol of Absalom's seizure of the throne and the life of his father and was an atrocious form of disrespect not only for his father's kingship, but for all respect for him whatsoever.

But sandwiched in between these episodes is a third humiiation at the hands of a strange little character named Shimei. This previously unknown Benjamite runs alongside the hillside above the road from Jerusalem to the Jordan valley, hurling curses as he pelts David and his retinue with dust and stones. David instructs his bodyguard to let this man keep up his taunting. He sees the actions as perhaps from the hand of God. The 21 mile hike out of Jerusalem is punctuated with the jabberings of this angry Benjamite.

David is completely humbled by his current situation. He has lost the throne and virtually all dignity among the people of Israel. And the humiliation is accepted, mostly without comment. David believes God is working in all this. David seems to be at his best when running for his life, just as he did many years ago under the persecution of Saul. He is in a position of trust again, and that is something that will make the difference for him.



- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

a lesson in failed fathering

And a messenger came to David, saying, "The hearts of the men of Israel have gone after Absalom." Then David said to all his servants who were with him at Jerusalem, "Arise, and let us flee, or else there will be no escape for us from Absalom. Go quickly, lest he overtake us quickly and bring down ruin on us and strike the city with the edge of the sword."
2 Samuel 15:13-14

Thus begins a sad episode in the life of David. His own son, Absalom, manages to lead a conspiracy of revolutionary proportions. The result is that David believed the reports of Absalom's success and in fear vacated the throne. He wished to avoid a civil war, but conflict would be unavoidable.

Absalom had crafted this rebellion over four years. He saw his father as weak and indecisive. He set himself up at the gates of Jerusalem to judge matters that people were wanting to bring to the palace. He managed to endear himself to the people through his handsome friendliness and really, back-slapping politics, all in the name of justice. The nation knew that Absalom was the prince that did the work of the king. Absalom was probably very self-assured in this practice of his. He had seen his father neglect justice twice with his own family. I am sure that Absalom believed himself to be the victim who understood other's rights and was thus an empathetic judge. He was very personable with all who came to him and that is how he eventually won a substantial following (2 Samuel 15:4-6).

David's powerlessness to confront Absalom led to his present exile. As he weeps his way through the city, the days of David the giant killer and darling of all Israel seem distant, ironically given over to his scheming son. The years of sorrow and neglect of his family come to visit David painfully on this slow journey marching out of the palace. The consequences of his own sins keep visiting him in new and painful ways. It is not pleasant to read.

David's paralysis of leadership in his own home is instructive. It warns fathers in particular of the dire issues at stake in caring for children with God's mercy and justice. David had struggled with seeing his own sons commit his own sins. He has been inconsistent and unresponsive to the spiritual needs in his home. And now that his oldest son has risen against him, he accepts the humiliation. The consequences of failed fatherhood are haunting his every move as he weeps with each step that leaves his kingly life behind into unknown exile.


- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

the tragedy of half-hearted reconciliation

And the king said, "Let him dwell apart in his own house; he is not to come into my presence." So Absalom lived apart in his own house and did not come into the king's presence.
2 Samuel 14:24

David was willing to appear to forgive, but only on his terms and only to a certain point. We can't even know for sure from the context whether or not reconciliation with Absalom without sentencing him for murder was the right thing for David to do. The circumstances that led to this uneasy stance are suspicious. Joab is behind them. He was notorious for circumventing the rules, putting his agenda above anybody else's concerns.

Joab's involvement as a "peacemaker" is highly suspect. Remember, when he had the cance to bend the rules to seek personal vengeance against Abner, he did so and took the life of the general that had killed Joab's brother in battle. He did this explicitly against the king's wishes (see 2 Samuel 3:26-39). He can hardly speak as an expert in forgiveness and reconciliation!

For this and other personal reasons David arrives again at a very indecisive compromise on the subject of his relationship with his oldest son. He is still paralyzed by this whole mess. This is not the way that David needed to be with the son who would be his heir apparent. This coolness toward Absalom, as well as the physical distance would only breed further problems. The wound festers for two more years. Altogether it has been seven years since the rape of Tamar, the murder of Amnon, and Absalom's fugitive flight. David has done nothing except tacitly letting Absalom return to Jerusalem with his diplomatic consent.

There is a principle I use in counseling that comes into play as I look at this situation: EVENTS + TIME = DISTORTION. The longer David puts this off, the more twisted, complicated, and distorted it all becomes. If he takes action on it, much of the outcome will be delayed to deal with the seven years of festering feelings, pain, and inaction. This deflects from the heart of the issue.

Really, there is no real peacemaking being done by David. He is accomodating. He may be dabbing ointment on a troubled conscience. But he is only aggravating the issue by this half-hearted "peace-faking" response. It will not lead anywhere good for David, for Absalom, or for the kingdom.

- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13

sin leaves nothing good behind

And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king's sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly.
2 Samuel 13:36

This family sorrow comes as a direct result of God's pronounced consequences upon David's sin. The upheaval in the royal family was inevitable. Through it all, David's moral indecision is remarkable. He seems powerless to act in an outrageous situation. And as time wore on it just got worse. The outcome of painful consequence that Nathan prophesied as a result of David's adultery and murder is coming to pass. The sword will not leave David's own house (2 Samuel 12:10).

The family conflict is gross, twisted, and complicated. David's oldest son, Absalom, had a sister named Tamar. David's other son, Amnon, was infatuated with his half-sister. Amnon's cousin, Jonadab, suggests a plan to lure her into seduction. Amnon follows the advice of a scoundrel and ends up raping his half-sister. Then in his shame and scorn, he sends her home. She is traumatized, abused, broken, and ashamed. David does absolutely nothing about it once he finds out. He just gets angry. And over two years, Absalom's seething, bitter rage toward Amnon just grows. It is the epitome of family dysfunction.

Absalom decides to deal with Amnon with his own sense of justice. He convenes a "party" for all the princes in Israel (David had many wives... there were a lot of the king's sons), and there Absalom executes a conspiracy that murders Amnon. In the chaos, all the king's sons flee and a confused report comes to David that Absalom has killed all his brothers. Eventually, when everyone returns to the palace, it is clear that Amnon alone was murdered by Absalom as a revenge killing for the incestuous rape of Tamar.

Sadly, David still does nothing. Over two years he sat idle over Amnon's sin. Now over a three year period he will do nothing to deal with Absalom's sin. David was a sexual predator himself to a degree. He had seduced Bathsheba. David was a murderer himself. He had killed Uriah with a complex conspiracy. Perhaps that is a reason for his moral paralysis. Both sons had done things he himself had done. But the brewing pain in this season of sorrow just kept making things worse.

When I read this account, I am warned that the consequences of my own sins are much deeper than I usually suspect. It forces me to admit that I don't always take sin as seriously as I should. And I know that God forgives. That is not the issue. But even in forgiveness, there are still consequences. It might still mean that sorrow will visit with sin's effects.


- Prepare your minds for action.
1 Peter 1:13