chasing a silent God

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 

Psalm 13:1

I can't figure God out. There... I said it. It is impossible for me to predict what God will do in any specific situation. His ways are a mystery to me most of the time. And I have spent my life studying Him. I have devoted myself to reading the Bible and trying to understand God in it. I have spent a considerable investment of time and money on a theological education and continue in it as a life pursuit. And God is mostly beyond my grasp.

That is not a bad thing,

In fact, it is a good thing.

It isn't easy to find God silent when I cry out to Him for any kind of answer. But it is part of what makes Him God. The way that I see it, if I knew God only as the caterer to my every whim, He would probably then be a construct of my own imagination, like some sort of genie in a children's tale. And that would be just a form of self-deluded wishful thinking.

Instead, having a God Who may be silent, a God Who really works on His scale and not mine drives me to a passionate pursuit of Him. He is a good God, but like Aslan in the Narnia books, He is not tame. Wild things are often hidden. I have to chase Him down in His wildness and at times when I finally catch a glimpse of Him, I tremble at what I see. I submit in awe at those times when God has been silent to me... and then I am aware of Him.

I appreciate that Isreal worshiped God with questions such as "How long, O Lord?", "Will You forget me forever?" "How long will You hide Your face?" Those experiential pains are in the hymnal of the Bible for a reason. They are meant to lead us to the worship of the God Who we chase with passion in His silence.